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Author: Subject: Please comment on my synopsis revised 06/17/11
Ken
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[*] posted on 4/28/2011 at 02:00 PM
Please comment on my synopsis revised 06/17/11


THE CARTHAGE CONNECTION SYNOPSIS


After two unsuccessful digs, one in Israel and one in Tunisia, archeologist Erin Mathews is facing the loss of funding for future digs and the ugly idea of going back to teaching. Her current excavation, in the silt-filled seaport of ancient Ephesus, is also turning out to be a bust. The arrival of her boyfriend Craig Johnson an ex-CIA agent, does little to raise her spirits. But when word reaches her that the boat she and her team are excavating may contain scrolls rescued from the storied great library at Alexandria, everything changes. Her quest for the history making artifacts becomes the adventure of her life.

Mossad operative Rebecca Shuler, sanctioned to work in Turkey, is tracking the Mysterious Cult of Tanit. The Cult that traces its roots to the founding of Carthage is also after the scrolls. Israeli security believes the Cult wants the scrolls to fund actions in their country. The Cult believes their ancestors rescued the invaluable artifacts when the library was burned in 48 BC.

A group of renegade Cult members begins a series of attacks to stop Erin. An Egyptian, dispatched by his governmentís Department if Antiquities, is sent to claim the treasure for his country. Erinís colleague is seen making a deal with the Egyptian and is murdered by rogue members of the Cult. The murder prompts Craig to talk Erin into giving up her dig, but she is determined to make the discovery and rescue her failing reputation.

Even with the involvement of the local police, the Cult finds ways to thwart Erinís efforts. The break in of a storage shed, where the teams finds are stored and the malicious nocturnal disruption of the dig site are not enough to prevent Erin from continuing her search. The Cultís actions escalate to car chases, blackmail, the ransacking of Erinís hotel room and even armed assaults.

In a frenzied attempt to locate the treasure before anyone is hurt, Erin directs the team to dig in the debris field where artifacts from the boat are soon discovered. Certain she is days away from finding the scrolls, Erin enlists the aid of Craig and Rebecca to help with the excavation. Soon sixteen crates, clearly of Egyptian origin, are uncovered.

With permission from the Turkish authorities, Erin begins the delicate task of opening the first treasure chest. The Cult leader, desperate to take title to the scrolls, appears at the site where he is quickly placed under arrest. While Erin breaks the seal and works through the heavy waterproof lining of the first box, renegade Cult members launch one last vicious attack. The deadly assault is brought to an end by the large police presence, aided by both Craig and Rebecca.

At last, with the representative from Egypt, the handcuffed Cult leader, Turkish authorities and of course Erinís graduate students all looking on, the contents of the chest are revealed. Erinís excitement is uncontrollable as she removes one ancient scroll after another. Her wildest dreams have been realized Ė a truly history making discovery of the lost knowledge of the ancient world.





[Edited on 6/17/2011 by Ken]




Ken,
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Sr. R. Ortiz
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[*] posted on 2/4/2012 at 11:05 PM


Ken,
Why hasn't anyone reviewed this synopsis? It sounds like a good story, depending of course on how well it is told and how believable you make it. What's your best idea for a hook?

So what have you done thus far? I will check you out if you have any more postings.

Ruben, a newer newbie.
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[*] posted on 2/5/2012 at 07:01 PM


Ruben, we have reviewed this before, just not in this thread...

Ken, it's too long for a query... are you wanting a query or truly a synopsis? You should have a one-page synopsis, a five-page synopsis and a chapter analysis prepared in case an agent or editor asks for one.

For a one-page synopsis, this is WAY too long. You need to get this down to less than one page, which is about 250-350 words, four paragraphs, maybe five, short ones.

Same thing for a query, except you'll want room for the bio.

So let me boil this down: If I asked you to describe your novel in one sentence, tell me, in just one sentence, what your novel is about? Seriously - boil this down to a one-sentence hook.




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[*] posted on 2/6/2012 at 01:54 AM


Michy, what's a chapter analysis? Is it like a chapter summary or something different?
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[*] posted on 2/6/2012 at 03:47 AM


"The arrival of her boyfriend Craig Johnson an ex-CIA agent, does little to raise her spirits."


Unless I am mistaken this comma is used incorrectly. You may want to reword it or put a comma : ...Craig Johnson, an ex-CIA agent, does little...

[Edited on 2/6/12 by Jesse Sears]




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[*] posted on 2/6/2012 at 07:24 AM


Quote: Originally posted by artfirms  
Michy, what's a chapter analysis? Is it like a chapter summary or something different?


It's pretty much the same thing. It's just each chapter, with the plot points for that chapter.




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[*] posted on 2/6/2012 at 07:45 AM


Ah, gotcha! I should do that too, I guess.

Thanks :)
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[*] posted on 2/5/2013 at 05:27 PM
revised synopsis


Since I first posted this summary I have made several changes. All comments on this new version will be very much appreciated. Thanks in advance.

THE ALKANO LETTERS is a story of intrigue, conspiracy and romance. The action begins on the Greek island of Alkano, moves to Cairo's Giza Plateau and culminates in the ancient cities of Megiddo, Qumran and finally Jerusalem.

Retired Major Craig Johnson, working as a mercenary, accepts a position to lead a team charged with protecting a group of archaeologists who have discovered 24 ancient letters in scattered locations across the Middle East and Greece. These letters, written during the time of Jesus, have enormous historical implications for the Christian world. A secret religious sect intercepts e-mails between the archaeologists and their sponsor. The sect initially does little more than observe the archaeologists, but their activity escalates to abductions and armed attacks.

The team, including a group of graduate students, is led by world-renowned archaeologist Herbert Langford and his granddaughter, Erin Mathews. His untimely death, due to a fatal heart attack, forces Erin, a famous archaeologist in her own right, to take charge of the research. A journey to Egypt and Israel, where some of the letters were discovered by Langford, becomes critical to the investigation of the origin and meaning of the documents. Craig travels with Erin as she attempts to unravel the mystery. During the trip, the sect becomes increasingly vicious in their effort to terminate Erinís research. The data she collects reveals the origin of the letters, leading to lively debate between her and the students. They develop wild speculations about what the letters represent.

During their travels, Erin and Craig become romantically involved. Both have recently gone through difficult divorces and have foresworn new relations. In spite of their determination to maintain a professional relationship, they find themselves drawn together in a passionate liaison. What began for Craig as a straightforward task has become a complicated mission. He and his team must protect the group of archaeologists from escalating armed attacks while he resists the urge to simply carry Erin away to safety. The story concludes with the identity of the unnamed sponsor revealed and the astonishing resolution of the mystery of the letters, written between Jesus and members of his family.




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[*] posted on 2/5/2013 at 09:12 PM


Quote: Originally posted by Michy  
Quote: Originally posted by artfirms  
Michy, what's a chapter analysis? Is it like a chapter summary or something different?


It's pretty much the same thing. It's just each chapter, with the plot points for that chapter.


Also sometimes called a chapter outline--specific key points in plot and scenes. Very, very common for non-fiction books, but still used or required by some fiction publishers.




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