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Author: Subject: Hello I'm new! And...I'm stumped....
Callista
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money.gif posted on 4/17/2013 at 05:27 PM
Hello I'm new! And...I'm stumped....


Hello, I'm new here. I found this site on google.com and so I decided to come here because my friend and I need some help. We have a story We've been working on but we can't think of a title. Can ya help? Here's what the story is about :


A young man has a mother with breast cancer. The young man is extremely close to his mother however all during her breast cancer battle, he's never there to help support her through it and when she dies, he suffers through tremendous grief and guilt for not being there for her during her battle with breast Cancer. He attends Cancer support classes and meets a young woman there who has Cancer herself.


The young woman was abandoned by her husband when he found out she had Cancer and so for the past two months, she's been battling the disease on her own. As she befriends the young man, they eventually fall in love but it comes with a challenge for both of them. As the guy is afraid to let himself fall in love with her because he's afraid he won't be able to help her fight and beat Cancer and that he'll fail her like he felt he failed his mother and that she'll die on him and she's afraid he'll abandon her like her husband did. However they put their fears aside and fall in love and through her, he finds a second chance to give to the young woman what he didn't give to his mother: love and support through her battle of Cancer. And through him, she finds the love and support she never got from her husband.


Now with that story description can you think of a good title for that story? Because....I'm stumped, lol

My friend thought about Collide from the Howie Day love song and it's basically two people colliding together in love to find in each other, what they have been needing but....eh, I don't know....

[Edited on 4/17/2013 by Callista]
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Nancy G.
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[*] posted on 4/17/2013 at 05:39 PM


I'll have think about this one. In the meantime, don't capitalize the word cancer.

[Edited on 4/17/2013 by Nancy G.]




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opher
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[*] posted on 4/18/2013 at 06:33 AM


Some ideas:

- Second Chances
- Venus Smiled
- Faith Restored
- Into the Dark Day

Whatever you end up naming it, good luck!




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Callista
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[*] posted on 4/18/2013 at 11:26 AM


Well I thought of:

"I'm Gonna Love You Through It"

because he failed to love his mother through her cancer, she died, he felt guilty.....he meets and falls in love with Camilla and with her, he gets a second chance to do with her what he didn't do with his mother - love her through her cancer.....so...I'm gonna love you through it....




and here's the logline I have for the story:



When Josh faced the harsh reality of death, he turned away and lost his mother, and when all seemed dark, he found his light in Camilla who herself is struggling through Breast Cancer, and together they overcalm, the troubles, and darkness in their own worlds.


So....I'm hoping that's good?? lol
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[*] posted on 4/18/2013 at 11:42 AM


If that's what you want, that's fine. In any case, you'll have plenty of time to come up with more ideas as you get closer to finishing and then revising the manuscript.

You do need to be conscious of proper grammar, capitalization, spelling and consistent tenses.

For example, I'd suggest modifying your "logline" to something like the following (hopefully the better editors on the forum will chime in and do better for you :)).

"Unable to face the harsh reality of death, Josh turned away from his dying mother, losing his chance to support her to the last; but when all seemed dark, he found a new light in Camilla, herself struggling through breast cancer; together they overcome the troubles and darkness they each face."




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Nancy G.
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[*] posted on 4/18/2013 at 12:33 PM


I think loglines are usually a bit shorter.
Callista, too many 'ands' joining your sentences.
Opher means you start in past tense (correctly) but use present tense in Camilla's part. "Overcame" and loose the commas in the last part.

I like the "Second Chances", or maybe Second Chance at Love.




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[*] posted on 4/18/2013 at 12:47 PM


I like "Second Chance at Love" except that I don't like the implied equivalence between a mother-son love and a man-woman love.

Perhaps I should explain what my thoughts were behind each of my suggestions.

- Second Chances: depending on the complete storyline, Josh gets a second chance to show courage in the face of a loved one's imminent death.

- Venus Smiled: Alludes to the love between Josh and Camilla (Venus as the goddess of love). You can also play around with that - e.g. "Beware Venus' Smile" if you want to insert some sinister element into it, assuming there are significant struggles you plan to put in Josh's path with Camilla

- Faith Restored: You can use this as a double-meaning, where faith can be religious faith if that's an element in the story, and faith between people, in the sense of trust and being trust-worthy.

- Into the Dark Day: A play on "into the dark night" which is often used, recognizing that days can be metaphorically darker than a dark night. This would work best if the storyline has dark elements to it.




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Nancy G.
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[*] posted on 4/18/2013 at 04:25 PM


How about "Second Chance for Courage"?



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[*] posted on 4/18/2013 at 08:21 PM


Well I checked imdb.com, there was a film out in 2001 called Second chances so I can't use it, it's been done before but "I'm gonna love you through it", that's never been used before...except by Martina McBride, when she made a song called "I'm Gonna Love You Through It and it was about....BREAST CANCER! LOL :) And the story is about Josh failing to love his mother through her cancer (because that's what cancer victims needs from loved ones - "love") but then he meets Camilla and gets the chance to do with her what he didn't get to do with his mother - love her through her cancer ....so but I love you all's logline suggestions...they're awesome... :)
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[*] posted on 4/18/2013 at 09:08 PM


That's a long title to go on the front of a book. You know a short story, if epub-ed, takes a cover too, don't you? With a long title plus your name, there wouldn't be much room left. What about "Loving Through It"?



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[*] posted on 4/18/2013 at 11:29 PM


Hmm, never thought of that....and yeah that does sound a bit better.... :)
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[*] posted on 4/19/2013 at 07:49 AM


Being in college, I'll bet you can find a student who is an English major to edit your story for you. You need to be sure it is polished. Every bit of spelling, grammar, and punctuation should be right. Check to be sure you don't have any misplaced modifiers, prune out the word 'that' used when it isn't necessary, cut the use of 'it', check for the same word used too frequently. Oh--and ly adverbs--kill them. In fact, don't use adverbs at all, if you can keep from it. Just make a stronger verb instead. Lots and lots to think about before trying to get it published, either in print or an e-version. Do your best, then let an English major go over it for you before sending it out anywhere.

Good luck with it!




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[*] posted on 4/19/2013 at 07:58 AM


Yeah because this is just a first draft of it....I need to proofread it and proofread it again LOL but thanks for helping, talk to you guys next week! :)
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[*] posted on 4/27/2013 at 01:36 AM


You do know you can use titles other people have used, right? Just because someone else used it doesn't mean you can't. Titles can't be copyrighted or trademarked, unless they have company names or something in them, then the name is trademarked. So if you want to use Second Chances, you absolutely can.

However, that said, you will find that it's harder to market if something is popular with that name, and you want yours to stand out. It could hurt or help you in search engines to have the same or similar name as something popular. It could hurt if the popular title takes up the first several pages of search results and yours gets buried. If the other title only takes up a few slots on the front page though, yours can show up with theirs, and might give yours a boost.

All this to say, go with the title you think works best for your story and worry less about whether something else has the same title. If we had to have unique titles, like people's names aren't unique and there are more than one Michelle's in the world like me, we'd never be able to name anything!

.....




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[*] posted on 4/27/2013 at 01:59 AM


Quote: Originally posted by opher  
If that's what you want, that's fine. In any case, you'll have plenty of time to come up with more ideas as you get closer to finishing and then revising the manuscript.

You do need to be conscious of proper grammar, capitalization, spelling and consistent tenses.

For example, I'd suggest modifying your "logline" to something like the following (hopefully the better editors on the forum will chime in and do better for you :)).

"Unable to face the harsh reality of death, Josh turned away from his dying mother, losing his chance to support her to the last; but when all seemed dark, he found a new light in Camilla, herself struggling through breast cancer; together they overcome the troubles and darkness they each face."


I'm taking away your semicolon card, Opher. Unless you're doing lists, you can only use one semicolon per sentence these days. And you don't use conjunctions with semicolons--one or the other, but not both. Semicolons are tricky little punctuation marks. Return your card at the door, and I'll give it back when you exhibit proper semicolon etiquette.

BUT... Opher is right, and he has the right idea. The logline needs to be one sentence, and you can use one semicolon and one compound sentence, but beyond that, you have to cut. If you can't get it all in, then you've not worked hard enough to get your logline concise.

You can't do run-on sentences for a longline; it's bad grammar, and it's cheating, sort of.

So you need to whittle away at it until you get it down to that one sentence that is grammatically correct, that packs the punch.

And loglines should all be in present tense.

......

Unable to face the harsh reality of death, Josh turned away from his dying mother, losing his chance to support her to the last; but when all seemed dark, he found a new light in Camilla, herself struggling through breast cancer; together they overcome the troubles and darkness they each face.


My first attempt at it is this:

Josh (last name)'s mother dies from cancer while he is emotionally unavailable to support her, and now he suffers from guilt surrounding her death; he meets Camilla (last name) during this darkness, and through her, he finds new light and redemption.

.....

that's just off the cuff. I might tweak or revise it, but it's a start of one for me. It's still really long, but since I don't know the whole story, it's hard for me to be as concise as I'd like.


As for editing--one thing you can consider is this--you won't get anyone in the critique forum here to edit the entire thing for you, but you can put up the first chapter and folks can critique that. From their comments, criticisms and suggestions, you can use that information to look for similar mistakes, tweaks and changes that you can do in other parts of the manuscript.

For example, if they are saying you're tagging dialogue wrong consistently, that's something you're likely doing wrong throughout. Or if they see a style issue or a voice or tense issue, they can point that out. Then you learn what it is that's wrong and why it's wrong, and you can go through and edit the manuscript to apply those changes throughout the entire manuscript, before you hand it over to someone to edit.

As for romance novels, like this, you might find another romance novelist who needs a beta reader/proofreader, and swap manuscripts--you read theirs and crit it and they read yours and crit it. That is an inexpensive way to get the rough draft all jazzed up and cleaner.

Don't even think of submitting or publishing it until you've read/proofread/edited at minimum five times yourself, and then let someone else who hasn't seen it before look it at too.

If you have the luxury, wait a few weeks or a couple of months and then re-edit it then too. Waiting always helps.

I'm babbling.... sorry!





Love and stuff,
Michy
~~Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations~~


Do just once what others say you can't do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again." James R. Cook

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Michy
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[*] posted on 4/27/2013 at 02:07 AM


Quote: Originally posted by Nancy G.  
That's a long title to go on the front of a book. You know a short story, if epub-ed, takes a cover too, don't you? With a long title plus your name, there wouldn't be much room left. What about "Loving Through It"?


I was thinking very similarly, but instead: Love Through It

Because I'm big on not using 'ing' verbs when they aren't necessary, saving their use mostly as gerunds (verbs that are nouns, essentially) opting instead for the more active and stronger tense.





Love and stuff,
Michy
~~Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations~~


Do just once what others say you can't do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again." James R. Cook

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[*] posted on 4/29/2013 at 12:15 PM


Well there was good news, I turned in for my story for writing class and got an A! Hooray.....I used the name Second Chances and he thought it was awesome....said I should write a book on it but I don't know if I'm that smart for that. lol Thanks guys :) Hey if you want, I can upload the story here for you all to read.

[Edited on 4/29/2013 by Callista]
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opher
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[*] posted on 4/29/2013 at 12:31 PM


I suggest you upload it to the critique area, which is password protected (pw = password) so it's not crawled by web-spiders, and is thus not considered to be published. That way, if you ever want to publish it, you don't run into issues if the publisher wants to know it has never been previously published.



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[*] posted on 4/29/2013 at 12:41 PM


Cool, will do, thanks! :)
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