Meredith
New Member (Welcome me!)
Posts: 2
Registered: 11/30/2009
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Mood: No Mood
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The word "as"
Hi, I'm a newbie, but I've heard great things about this place! I have a couple questions, but I'll break them apart in different posts.
My first is the word "as." I tend to use it a lot and I'm sure I'm using it wrong. I'll just come up with a sentence on the fly, so don't critique it
too much. LOL
With his mouth set in annoyance, he set down his briefcase and as the lights caught his eye, he wheeled around and came face to face with the
Christmas tree.
Should this be two sentences? If not, and keep it one sentence, should it be rearranged? I find I'm constantly "hooking" sentences together with the
word as.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
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Melanie
Founding Member
Posts: 4768
Registered: 1/17/2008
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Mood: At the cusp of my new writing life.
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Well, you're really hooking together the sentences with the word 'and.' 
And, by the way, welcome to the forum!
I would write this one as: With his mouth set in annoyance, he set his briefcase down. Lights caught his eye and he wheeled around to come face to
face with the Christmas tree. (Actually, I wouldn't say 'face to face with the Christmas tree, because trees don't have faces. )
There is too much going on in this sentence, making it a run on.
[Edited on 30-11-2009 by Melanie]
Melanie 
"Go forth boldly in the direction of your dreams." Thoreau
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Going Forth Boldly -- The Chronicle of Becoming a Professional Fiction Writer
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Skwerly
Literary Master
Posts: 3493
Registered: 5/17/2008
Location: Yucaipa, California
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Mood: Determined.
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In my experience, "as" can be replaced with "while" 90% of the time and be more correct. Our fearless leader Michelle has written a blog post on this
specific subject. I try to stay away from using "as" if at all possible. Better safe than sorry lol.
Oh, and welcome to Accentuate!
I seemed to be looking down from an immense height upon a twilit grotto, knee-deep with filth, where a white-bearded daemon swineherd drove about
with his staff a flock of fungous, flabby beasts whose appearance filled me with unutterable loathing.
My AC page:
Derek's Junk
My Horror Writing Forum: http://writersofhorror.myfreeforum.org/index.php
I **love** creepy trees!
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